On Saturday May 9th I was able to hold Ryan in the rocker for the first time. I held my baby boy for an hour. This was the best pre-Mother’s Day present ever. When we arrived the nurse asked me if I wanted to hold Ryan. I told of course, they never ever have to ask me I always want to hold my baby. She said okay and laughed. She tells me you’ll hold for about an hour tonight. My mouth dropped and my heart almost burst. Up until this point the longest I held Ryan was maybe a minute or two. He was wrapped nicely in a blanket and settled right into my arms. It was such a wonderful moment to hold him. Martin recorded the moment.
On Sunday May 10th I had my very first Mother’s Day. I came to the hospital beaming and waiting to hold him again. This time I held Ryan for 2 hours and then Martin took over. Up to this point Ryan has been off the jet ventilator for some time and stable. His feedings have been going well with only some residual. We are just so proud of him and how each day he fights. We thank God everyday and many times a time for the blessing of Ryan and his healing.
On Monday May 11th I was extremely excited to visit Ryan because today was the first day for kangaroo care. I was going to hold my son skin to skin. I sat in the rocking chair awaiting my son. It was as the nurse laid him against me that I began to cry tears of joy. I was overwhelmed with this full feeling, I was complete. He tolerated everything very well and just lay in my arms peacefully.
On Wednesday May 13th Martin had his very first kangaroo care with Ryan. How wonderful is it to witness a father holding his precious son. It was just beautiful and I was so proud. I know that this is only the beginning of a strong relationship. He will show him not only how to be a good man, but a good father and most of all a good human being. He will love him unconditionally and with every fiber of his being.
As days progressed this week Ryan has increased on his feedings going from 2cc to 5cc. He has tolerated this all very well and is slowly gaining steady weight. Since he has such good gases Ryan has been taken off the regular ventilator. He is now only on the CPAP receiving the least amount of assistant. Basically, for breathing it’s all Ryan. Being able to watch him take breaths all on his own, to slowly see all the help going away is amazing. These past weeks Ryan has made huge strides and while we still take it one day at a time I’m so proud to be his momma. He is resilient and determined to be with us as much as we are with him. God’s blessing and healing of our son on a day to day basis is a miracle. The future is unknown but what I do know is that Ryan’s spirit does not give up.
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